Life's a Beach

I’m writing this as therapy for myself. A release of past events. I think this will be good for me. Talking about it hasn’t been very therapeutic. I’m ready now to let it go. Let the healing begin.

When my 21 year old daughter’s father and I were together, our relationship was rocky at best. Back then I didn’t know that he was married. I thought his wife was a girlfriend who lived in Vietnam. He’s also from Vietnam. I also didn’t know that he had plans of bringing her and their son to the United States. I also didn’t know that he had a son. He kept that bit of information from me for five years. Until he was ready to send for them.

This is really a long story, so I’m not going to go into all of it. I don’t have bitter feelings towards him and as a matter of fact I’ve sent him love spiritually more than once. It brings me peace to do that. I held on to anger for a long time for reasons I haven’t written about here. It was time to let go.

He emotionally drained me from the time I found out I was pregnant until my daughter was four. One of his favorite things to talk about was us breaking up. And he talked about it as if it were going to be my fault. I told him that if he kept saying it, it was going to happen.

I don’t know why I wanted it to work out. Knowing what I know now, it never would have, of course. He took me to a jewelry store on Valentine’s Day one year to look at rings. As we looked at the case of diamond rings, we went through the motions like it was for real. Our relationship. The possibility of a future for us. I saw the ring that I liked and then he said that it would be a promise ring. It was simple. Nothing extravagant. The stone was perfect in size and shape. I loved it. He said that I should where it on my right hand and then when/if we got engaged, I’d put it on my left hand. I agreed to this because we had only known each other for about two years.

Well, eventually our relationship did end, and there came a time when he wanted the ring back. He had the nerve to call it an engagement ring. I was stubborn and mean-spirited and said no because it wasn’t an engagement ring. He insisted on lying saying that he never said it was a promise ring. After years had gone by, I had a thought. He probably wanted it back to give to his wife. I believe he would have done something like that.

When he told me that he had a son and that he was going to sponsor him, he also told me about his wife. He still didn’t tell me that she was more than just his girlfriend. He said that he had to make a choice. Me or her. I laughed and said, “She can have you.” He even had the nerve to suggest that I be his mistress and that he’d provide for me. Such as a place to live, etc. I told him no thanks as I laughed.

I didn’t find out that she was his wife until three years ago. When he got in touch with me because he was having trouble with our daughter, when my son brought her to my house, she told me.

He told our daughter that he had made a mistake. That he just wanted sex. What a thing to tell a child. I’m so glad that part of my life is over. Comparing my life now to the way it was then, I’d say I’m in Heaven because living that life was Hell on Earth. I love my life.:)

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