Jan
8
2012
Author: Dorsey Velasquez
Having my kids all home for Christmas break taught me a lesson: I need to find more for them to do when we’re all home for extended periods of time. I love them to death but they’re about as hyperactive as it gets and when they’re all indoors at once I want to pull my hair out because they’re inevitably playing ball in the house or breaking something or out in the yard running out in front of cars and whatnot. After only two days of them being here I got online and ordered clear internet and TV so they’d at least have some movies and things to keep them occupied on their computers (I knew they were all getting new laptops for the holidays) and that’s helped. I love my boys, don’t get me wrong, but they’re just so darn hyper – I can’t relate to it. As a girl I wanted to spend all of my time reading and playing with dolls and doing the cutest things little girls do, no big deal.
Jan
4
2012
Remembering all the issues my son went through to buy his house here in town and to try to rent an apartment in a city closer to college, a thought surfaced. I wonder if there is much difference in buying a house or renting in different countries. In other words, would it be easier, more difficult, or the same renting Calgary apartments as it is to rent an apartment here in the United States?
I also wonder how many people per year decide to move from one country to another and make it their new home or a second home in case of traveling for business purposes. And what reasons besides business for moving would there be. Issues with the government is my first thought.
My son only recently bought his first house. It was not an easy process, but through all the red tape he experienced, he learned a lot about the legalities of home ownership and also of being a landlord. He told me this was his desire and a few years later, mission accomplished. I believe he is still considering becoming a lawyer.
I know someone who moved to Bulgaria for many reasons, which all had to do with the government. And he says that he loves it there. I think it would be nice to have my own island paradise like Kenny Chesney. No more cold weather!
Jan
4
2012
Photo by Greencolander via flickr
“Integrity is telling myself the truth.
And honesty is telling the truth to other people.”
~Spencer Johnson~
I asked my daughter, Adriana, if I had her permission to write a portion of our story, as long as I don’t go into all the details. I told her that maybe it would help someone else and maybe even give them hope. She agreed.
Last March and April I saw Adriana in a completely different light. Before her 18th birthday, she stayed home most of the time, which was her choice. Then it all changed. We had become like strangers. People say that all teenagers do what she did. Oh, no they don’t. At least not to the same extent. I didn’t and I know others who didn’t either.
In order to avoid being judged, she began lying to me on a daily basis. Just about everything she said to me and others was a lie. I could no longer believe her. Nobody else caught on, but for me, her words meant nothing. I needed her to show me proof because I knew if she didn’t, it would most likely not be true. Eventually her lies caught up with her.
I couldn’t do this on my own. Adriana just wouldn’t listen to me. I went to where she had been volunteering to speak to her manager about something. On the way there she told me she was moving out. After pouring my heart out and listening to the manager she worked with and a counselor who worked there defend her, we were offered a chance to have a one-time one-on-one session with the counselor.
The counselor was not expecting to hear what he heard from her. Once he did, he understood the reasons for my pain. Thankfully he got her to be honest with him so that he was able to help her to become more aware of what she was doing and how hurtful it was to me and to others as well. But more importantly, how she was hurting herself.
When I spoke with him, his main concern was how angry I would get. I know I didn’t handle this situation well. The anger would boil up inside me. I didn’t know what to do.
I didn’t like myself very much for my outbursts. The counselor didn’t understand that Adriana wouldn’t take me seriously until I yelled. I would either talk to her about a situation calmly and nothing would change, or I would be quiet and nothing would change. By me yelling, she would take a little action and I thought that was better than no action at all.
Before we had spoken with the counselor, I was on my own. It seemed like others thought I was the only one in the wrong for getting upset. They didn’t know the entire story. Someone even thought I was making a big deal out of nothing until she lied to him a couple of times.
After Adriana spoke to the counselor, she talked to me. Very honestly. She also made a promise to me to continue being honest and I promised I wouldn’t yell. With her honesty, what came out was that she was judging herself and expected me to judge her in the same way, which is why she lied.
I did my best to reassure her that I love her no matter what. It’s not her that I don’t love, it’s her actions and her lies. I also let her know that what she does is not who she is and doesn’t make her a bad person.
It took some time, but her trust in me for not judging her increased. The only way for that trust to build was for her to tell me the truth. I also needed to show her that she could trust me. That I wouldn’t judge her and that she shouldn’t judge herself either; because her judgements were false.
We still had issues that couldn’t be resolved with her living at home. But, we both agree that our relationship is mended and may be even stronger now. She doesn’t lie and I don’t yell. Peace has been restored.
She has grown so much since then. She really listens now and knows deep in her heart that one of my desires is to help her become more aware because we don’t always see what we are doing. It helps to get another’s view who will be honest in a loving manner.
Adriana sees things more clearly now, which is so important to make changes in one’s life. I have been enjoying being a witness to the evolving of my daughter. I knew that it wouldn’t happen over night and will most likely take a lifetime.
I feel as though her journey and my journey are intertwined, in a way. We are both growing in our own ways together while being observers of the other. She’s not aware of this yet.
You never know where the road will lead you. As you go down one road you may decide to take a detour to see what adventure awaits you. Will you discover your paradise? Will there be bliss? Hopefully you won’t head down a road of destruction. But no matter where you go, you will most likely face obstacles that you didn’t expect and lessons you would rather have not need to learn.
I would like to say to always enjoy the journey, but the truth is, I don’t. Not all the time. I’d rather not give advice if I know there’s a chance I may not walk my talk. Those paths that bring with it pain are not, in my opinion a fun time. But, somehow, I get through them, usually stronger than before and hopefully wiser. I see that happening with Adriana.
She comes over almost every day. We talk, we listen, we laugh, we’re quiet. She talks more than I do because she has more going on in her life. We enjoy each other’s company. I love her openness with me. Her honesty is so wonderful. This includes being honest about herself. She still has work to do in that area, but, it takes time. I started my own self-honesty when I was 40. I’m not perfect, but I’m better now than I was. We trust each other very much now.
If you know someone who constantly lies, it could be because they are insecure. They may have low self-esteem. They may be hiding something that they are ashamed to admit. Maybe they just don’t care enough to be honest. What it comes down to is fear.
Whatever the reason(s), lies should not be tolerated. It can cause so much pain in relationships. Find a way to end it as soon as possible. They need to know that if they want to be trusted, they must be trustworthy. They must be honest. If you are the one being dishonest, what is the fear that is causing you to lie?
I don’t know about you, but for me it’s pretty difficult to get to know a person when they are always being dishonest. They are not showing the real them. Unless the real them is a liar, which, on a soul level, is not true. Instead they are living an ego-based life.
I promise you this, my daughter was very unhappy living like that. I lived with her long enough to know that getting to know a dishonest person is nearly impossible to accomplish because they are hiding so much of themselves. Remember that we are all doing the best we can at our own level of awareness. Some take longer than others to evolve. I’m one of them.
Regarding my final thought below, I’m not asking you to tell your life story, unless that’s your desire. Only to be more open and honest with those you love and those you meet. People love self-honesty in a person. I know I do. I appreciate it and have more respect for those who do it. And it helps me to know the authentic person better.
Final Thought: Take the mask off. Be vulnerable. Be honest. Be authentic. Be trusted.
“Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.”
Dr. Kent M. Keith
Dec
25
2011
To all those who celebrate, Merry Christmas. Happy holidays in all manners of festivities and celebrations at this time of year. This is the first time in many years for me to not have children living at home during the holiday season.
I’m feeling a little melancholy about it, but I’m not going to let it take me too far down the road of sadness and despair. It’s a part of life. We raise our children to the best of our abilities and then when it’s time, they grow up and move out to live their own lives. Some sooner than planned, others, not soon enough, some parents might say.
I have my moments of missing my children when they were small, but, those thoughts come and go like the wind. I enjoy my time with them and I also enjoy my solitude.
I sigh with love while I listen intently to my son when he shares his views of life and all that it entails, including religion, spirituality, the universe and his hopes and dreams. While I miss the little boy he was, I admire the man he has become. And witnessing his growth is such an utter joy to behold.
He has many dreams. Who knows? Perhaps he’ll be one with a tabletop display of a new invention that will contribute to making the world a better place to live. The sky’s the limit. Actually, there are no limits. Life is full of infinite possibilities.
I also enjoy my daughter’s company. She’s so open with me about her feelings, which wasn’t the case while she lived at home. We had some really rough times and I’m not only witnessing her growth, she is also allowing me to be a part of it. While thankfully, she still wants her independence, she’s more open to taking what I say to heart. Or be prepared (or unprepared as the case may be) to learn a lesson.
As I have told her, I wish my daughter would have listened to me more to avoid much of what she has experienced and if she had, maybe she wouldn’t have as many regrets. But then her growth may have been less painful, but slower as well. The lessons she is learning are showing her how strong she is and can be.
A couple of years ago, I wrote about experiencing an energy within me. A shift of energy. Oh, my, I was not expecting to experience all that I have this past year. Talk about energy! Sometimes I wonder if I’m still dreaming.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to the beginning and experience much of it again and yet change some things that occurred. But then that could also change the experiences that I may not want to be any different than they have been.
I don’t know what to expect in this coming year. I have learned to expect the unexpected. I’ve also learned to let go of the outcome. Not completely. But I’m better at it now than I was last year.
Perhaps watching my children grow into who they were meant to be is helping me to grow more spiritually.
Dec
20
2011
As a foster child, turning 18 meant being aged out of the foster care system. I was 17 when I graduated from high school and since I didn’t have a job and wouldn’t be ready to rent an apartment by the time I was 18, my foster parents talked to me about joining Job Corps. I don’t remember them suggesting any alternatives. I joined, but I left after three months. I got paid while I stayed there, but I wouldn’t consider that work, so, on to what I did after my departure.
I joined the Army. I had a difficult time finding the courage to look for a job, so, that’s what I did. I don’t know how this sounds to you, but it sounds crazy to me that going on interviews was more frightening to me than being a soldier. I’m so glad that it was during peace time.
I was in the reserves, though, which meant I only worked one weekend per month and two weeks out of the year. I went to my paternal grandmother’s native country, Germany one year. I enjoyed the time I had working and playing there.
So, in a way, even that was hardly my first real job. Especially since when I was there I sat at a desk often with nothing to do, except in Germany there was always plenty of work to be done. I guess it was a real job, after all.
I wasn’t lookng to get rich, but In order to pay my bills…and eat, I needed more income than I was making from my duty station.
My first full-time job was working in a toy factory. Yes, I was a toy maker. What was great about that was bringing some of them home for my son. They weren’t free, but I was given a discount.
We made steel trucks. I worked on an assembly line either spot welding, riveting, or putting the little hoods on the trucks. The latter was the most boring of them all and it was my main job. I was the only one who could keep up, so they wanted me to do it. I could have done it with my eyes closed.
I got dirty working there and I think the dirty air damaged my hair because it was frizzy and dry. My hair isn’t normally dry. I also got burned often from the sparks that flew off the spot welder. If I didn’t wear an apron, when there wasn’t enough to go around, the sparks would burn through my shirts. I’d come home with little sores on my belly.
Sparks flew quite a bit and sometimes wearing speedglas helmets may have been safer, but instead we wore safety glasses.
With all the jobs I’ve had, I have never hated any of them. There have been aspects of the job I didn’t like. Things that I would rather have not had to do, but, I did them to the best of my ability.
I do believe that you should do what you love to do, but if you aren’t in that space right now, have the mindset of enjoying what you are doing as you follow your bliss.
Dec
19
2011
I’ve had rusty-looking water while the fire hydrants were being flushed, which is normally done once per year. A notice is normally sent to each household via mail letting the neighborhood know ahead of time. The notice explains the reason for the orange color in the water stating that it’s from mineral deposits that have been stirred up during the process. Ok.
Although I used the water for cooking and washing my hands the first time without getting sick, I didn’t like using it so I began filling a large pitcher and a crockpot full of clean water.
I appreciate being notified in time to prepare myself by making sure I have enough water on hand before they begin the flushing process. It can take a few hours or more for them to complete the job.
Also, when my old water heater had a lot of corrosion inside at the bottom which, when the hot water ran low enough, it would show up orange in my faucets. I wasn’t aware of this until the day it was being replaced with a new system. It disgusted me just thinking about it. We drank that water!
This, however, is nothing compared to what the families in Dimock, Pennsylvania have been enduring since their tap water has been contaminated by fracking (hydraulic fracturing).
Many people have become ill from the toxic water and yet, the drilling continues. And the water is considered safe to drink? Although it would burst into flames by putting a match to it. This makes no sense to me.
If I had the chance, I’d ask those responsible for allowing this to happen whether they have children and if they would allow them or anyone else they love to drink the water and to bathe in it.
I’d also ask them if they would drink it. If they were to say that they’d have no problem drinking the water, then I’d want to watch them drink it. Actions speak louder than words. Do you think they would do it? I highly doubt it.
The families need fresh, clean water delivered to them. They need all the help they can get. Put yourself in their place. Can you and will you help?
For more information about what fracking is and to see how others are helping the families to be supplied with fresh water take a look at the Water Defense web site by Water Defense’s founder, actor/director Mark Ruffalo.
Dec
9
2011
I had an entirely different blog post planned until I was taken on a synchronistic journey of fashion. The purpose of this blog post is to encourage anyone writing to use any means you can to get inspired. Just remember to include yourself in your creative endeavors. Such as when you witness synchronicities. Whether you believe that they are only coincidences or you believe what Carl Jung says. Let it inspire you in any of your artist projects.
I’ve written many times about one of the reasons for my desire to remain aware of synchronicities that I witness. I enjoy it! Synchronicities are so fun to witness. The experiences inspire me, which, as I said before, is the purpose of this blog post. Sychronicity is a wonderful way to get your creative juices flowing.
Wake up your muse and be inspired to create in the flow.
You might say it should be a very simple thing to happen on line since the World Wide Web has what seems to be an infinite amount of information. I will say this. It is easy to experience over-load, so, we must be careful with how much we take in each day. It can become overwhelming.
I wasn’t looking for it, but about an hour or so ago, I found a fashion blog by a fashion designer (Ali Rose) through someone special on Twitter. I’m not big into fashion. Not because I don’t like it, it’s just not a priority in my life. I have other reasons, but I don’t want that to be a part of this story. I do, however, like reading fashion blogs sometimes. Because fashion bloggers like Ali Rose, have such knack for describing their subject matter. Which, when reading, can wake up your Muse.
Ali Rose hasn’t updated her blog since June, but that’s ok. It just gives me a chance to read what is already there. Who knows what else I’ll find to inspire me? And maybe she’ll return to her blogging sometime.
Something specific there caught my attention, though.
I had already planned on writing about stainless steel rings before I found her blog. I wasn’t expecting to find a photo of a couple of watches that I had seen earlier on the web site of the same company who creates the rings.
Out of all the days, I find a blog with that photo. One that I had never seen before today The same day of my writing plans. I call that inspirational magic.
There are a myriad of ways to get inspired.. I don’t usually see synchroncity on any lists, though. This is my most treasured and favorite way to get the juices flowing, when it comes to writing.
Just make sure that, if you have a specific subject you are writing about as well as a deadline, to use a different method if time is of the essence and you aren’t noticing any synchronicities that would inspire you to complete your project. Don’t wait until you are close to the deadline to get the work done. When it happens, I hope you get as much enjoyment out of it as I do.
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Thank you Stan (muz4now™)
Playtime
